The Archangel of the Sword is a straightforward sort
of Malakite: normally, he doesn't bother with special
gimmicks in his weapons. He doesn't need them: his
ability to apotheosize any sword merely by touching
it, coupled with his indecently high skill, is almost
always enough.
That being said, Laurence retains various weapons that
are dedicated to those rare times when he actually
gets to engage Demon Princes in battle. He's aware
that he probably won't get to kill any of them until
Judgement Day ... but there's no reason why he can't
get a good lick or two in before they manage to Run
Away.
Besides, it's about the only outlet Laurence has for
whatever stray impulses for low humor that might crop
up from time to time. The other one is, apparently,
the names of his swords. He never uses them himself
(they were all coined by the more irreverent members
of the Host), but he never takes anyone to task for
using them in conversation, either.
Andrealphus - Called Not In the Face by anyone not
within earshot of the Prince of Lust, this sword
produces scars that simply cannot be removed from a
vessel.
Asmodeus - Well, Enigma does something to change
the Symphony, but Asmodeus still hasn't quite figured
out what yet. Surely that much disturbance is
diagnostic of something...
Baal - As related elsewhere, Baal actually has this
particular sword, and Laurence hasn't gotten it back
yet. Baal thinks that the situation demonstrates
Laurence's essential cowardice. Of course, Laurence
thinks that the situation demonstrates Baal's
essential inability to take his opponents seriously,
so it all works out.
Beleth - Ah, Polyanna: it sings, you understand. It
sings "It's a Small World After All". Over and over
and over again, just loud enough to be heard ... and
anyone who is in range and who isn't a Superior will
end up singing along after a while.
Belial - Actually, Brass Monkey is fairly normal -
if you discount the fact that it has a perpetual
internal temperature of 5 degrees. Kelvin.
Haagenti - Eleven-Foot Pole isn't really that long,
of course, but it is the longest sword that Laurence
has. He actually uses it outside of special
occasions, interestingly enough: its ability to
produce streams of manna on command is quite useful.
It's also quite useful when he's chastising the Prince
of Gluttony, of course: Laurence is very fond of
poetic justice.
Kobal - Originally a Really, Really Tough Pen,
Tickler ... well, you get the picture.
Kronos - Laurence has never gotten a clear bead on
Kronos, mores the pity. Still, Reorg's ability to
scramble the text of any book written in Infernal that
it touches makes the Prince of Fate turn the most
interesting shade of purple, so there are
compensations.
Lilith - Laurence bears up under the Princess of
Freedom's snide commentary about blades and phallic
symbols quite well: after all, she's usually doing it
while making a high-speed retreat. All it took to
make the point was one demonstration of Amnesty's
ability to slice away Geas-hooks...
Malphas - A baroque weapon, Exorcist is a two-bladed
sword on one hilt. The first blade invariably
decapitates the human host (or simply cuts it in two):
the second instantly heals the damage caused by the
first. The net result is a human that has been killed
and resurrected in a millisecond ... which is just
enough time for Malphas to suffer from
Band-dissonance. He gets very annoyed when that
happens.
Nybbas - One of the two swords that Jean has produced
for Laurence by Jean, Off Switch's special effect is
simple: successful strikes are accompanied by an
electromagnetic pulse that shorts out all electronics
within five yards. One Malakite of the Sword swears
that she saw a direct hit make the static on Nybbas'
glasses flicker for a second.
Saminga - Unlike other weapons in Laurence's arsenal,
Elan Vital isn't precisely a sword. It's a shinai -
you know, one of those bamboo practice weapons - and
doesn't do damage. Indeed, it does the opposite:
contact with it revitalizes dead flesh, reversing
decay. Considering Death's dissonance conditions,
this is incredibly rude... which is probably why
Laurence accepted the 'weapon' from Mot ... Novalis in
the first place.
Valefor - Hitting the Prince of Theft is tricky:
Laurence can do it, of course, but it's much more fun
when he uses Web-slinger. Swinging it causes sticky
ropes to shoot out along the path, which can gum up
anything that they touch. That's nice. The ropes are
also impossible to properly get out of clothing and/or
hair, which means that Valefor often looks fairly
sloppy after a meeting with the Archangel of the
Sword. That's nicer.
Vapula - The other sword created by Jean, the edge of
Can Opener is one long molecule (for those of you
who do not read Larry Niven, this means that it can
cut through anything). Laurence finds it useful when
he needs to cut through the killer death robot coating
to get to the creamy Vapulaness inside. The above
Malakite of the Sword is also on record as swearing
that she was sure that she saw Can Opener cut
through the Corporeal Song of Shields. This is
untrue. What actually happened was that Laurence
simply batted the Shield (and its performer) over a
cliff. Such things are possible when you're an
Archangel ... and your sword has a core of solid
neutronium.
Eric Bertish adds:
Fleurity - Reefer Madness was made with help from Cherubim of Flowers and
Mercurians of Fire. Each hit causes the the recipient to suffer the painful
effects of withdrawal of a drug he has pushed onto others.
Furfur - Laurence's contempt for this Prince shows in his choice of weapon:
it isn't a sword, you see, but a dagger balanced for throwing. Go Away,
Kid, Ya Bother Me radiates silence for a hundred feet when it's unsheathed
and buried in a target.
Mammon - Charity Is Better is Laurence's answer to Gordon Gekko's "Greed
is Good." This rapier was a loaner once used by Marc, until Jason (smith to
the Archangels; see
http://www.stormloader.com/users/moelane/innomine/stories/Shoppingtrip.htm)
crafted him a proper one. A successful hit converts the damage done into
Essence, which is then fed through a reverse Head of a PIN effect. The
resulting cash is then donated to a random Christian charity.
Magog - Nobody really likes to talk about this one, as it's the only one that
required a field trip to gather the necessary ingredients. Laurence traveled
to the ruins of Sodom to get the necessary ambience for Bend Over...
And Michael Walton adds:
Alaemon - This sword is actually two Relics in one. The
blade contains a Superior-level Ethereal Song of Tongues;
each successful hit extracts a piece of information from
the target's mind and sends it to the hilt. The hilt
contains a Celestial Song of Tongues addressed directly to
Litheroy. The Prince of Secrets absolutely hates Grapevine.
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