March 27, 2024: True Tales Of The Illuminati

True Tales of the Illuminati is a full-cast audio drama podcast about conspiracies gone wrong, currently in the final week of a crowdfunding campaign to produce a third season. The show follows a team of hapless Illuminati goons, bouncing through history, snatching defeat from the jaws of other, weirder defeat.

Discerning readers of the Daily Illuminator may well pick up on a hidden influence . . . one that the team was all too happy to confirm when reached for comment by the Secret Masters.

"I grew up playing Illuminati: New World Order with my gaming group. We found it in middle school and played it all the way through college. Something about playing INWO as a weird teenager with my friends and laughing about the intricate, nonsensical power structures that emerged where the Girl Scouts controlled the Trilateral Commission, which controlled breakfast cereals, which controlled NASA . . . it had a huge influence on me.

"Whenever we explain the current 'big scheme' of the Illuminati, I recall that organizing logic. They're just grabbing up resources like kids getting first crack at a pinata so they can vacuum up as much power as they can before people catch on. They'll figure out how to fit it all in their stomach (the stomach is their organization) later.

"That's why, in Season 2, the moon landing is a ploy to create a logo for MTV, which is being made to sell more soda, which is a ploy to sell more denim per unit, and eventually it all ties back into timeshares and crossfit. In Season 3, they're going to go up against a rival Illuminati organization, just like you do in INWO. I'm really excited to have our band of knuckleheads deal with the "real" "historical" Bavarian Illuminati . . . which we've taken, let's say . . . extensive creative liberties with."

– Max Kreisky, Showrunner

In their first season, Deputy Head Underboss Beck and her crew failed to keep the pyramids a secret. In the second, they failed to fake the moon landing so hard that they actually had to land on the moon. In the third, the Illuminauts will be going up against their toughest foe yet – The Enlightenment.

Supporting the campaign can get you early episode access, stickers, a zine full of cut jokes, or immortalized in the conspiracy with a producer credit (phony or sincere). There's even a reward tier to have one of the showrunners run you a TTRPG one-shot! Their funding goal is flexible, so they'll be producing as many episodes as they raise the money for, but they're so close to meeting their goal right now. If you want to help them get there, go support True Tales of the Illuminati on Indiegogo. The Illuminati wills it.

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Illuminati, Ollominoto! Fnord!

-- Irene Zielinski

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