"So, you want to know about how Grikklipp - or as you
Humans call him, Marc - created us. Pull up a cushion
and I'll tell you. No, don't worry about paying me:
you've bought this round and I like to talk.
Afterwards, I'll buy and you can tell me about
your race's origins. I've heard it before, but
there's always a new detail to hear.
"Anyway, you know how it all started, right? Lipp -
that's God to you - decided to create the First Races
of Man, some of his servants objected, the experiment
that was supposed to solve everything didn't do
anything of the sort and all of a sudden there was a
War. Every child knows the story ... at least from
the Human or Elf point of view. The other Races of
Man have a different outlook.
"From the Goblins' point of view, it all started after
the First Races appeared on Earth, but before the
Experiment. The Powers that Be were still trying to
figure out what Lipp was up to by creating mortals,
not to mention trying to work out how to incorporate
them into their own plans.
"Most of the Powers quickly found themselves having a
particular affinity for either Elf, or Human, and
acting accordingly. They don't concern us in this
story: who I want to tell you about were three of the
most powerful Powers, if you'll pardon the pun.
"Now, these three had tried to work with what they had
been given, but it just wasn't coming together
properly. Humans and Elves are wonderful creations,
but they aren't perfect for every situation - and the
Three had problems that really needed specialists.
They didn't want to alter the First Races, and they
didn't want to make do with what they had, so they
seemed stuck.
"However, the oldest one of the three discovered one
day what looked to be a store of Glik. You call it
Primordial Clay. Being a sober sort of fellow, he
first went to Lipp and said, 'Lipp, I have found an
store of Glik.' He was a bit boring, too.
"Lipp looked down and said, 'So that's where it
went! Outstanding work, Khedaklipp!' - that was the
fellow's name, Khedzaklipp: you would call him
Khedzak, or David - "Of course, I don't actually need
it now, but it's nice to have the inventory settled.'
"Khedzaklipp stood there for a moment, then nodded and
turned to leave. Lipp sighed. 'Khedzaklipp...'
"'Yes, Lipp?'
"'I said, 'I don't actually need the Glik anymore.'
"'I remember, Lipp, though not quite in those words.'
"'It would be a shame to waste it, no?'
"'Indeed, Lipp.'
"Another pause.
"Lipp sighed again, muttered 'Always spell it out with
him' and spoke louder, saying, 'Khedzaklipp, as one of
my most loyal servants, you have won a boon. Can you
guess what it is?'
"'I suppose, Lipp.'
"There was yet another pause.
"And, yea indeed, Lipp sighed for the third time and
bade Khedzaklipp, 'Take the Glik with my blessing.
Make sure you share it with your two friends, and show
me the results before you start your production run.'
"'And Khedzaklipp bowed and left the sight of Lipp,
vaguely wondering why his Creator always had that
bemused look by the end of the Power's visits."
(Quiet commotion)
"Why, yes, good Dwarf, I know that your people have a
completely different version of our mutual origin
story: stop scowling and wait your turn. See, the
nice Human's buying you a beer in advance?
"Now, where was I?
"Oh, yes. Khedzaklipp had gotten his Glik, and (being
a thoroughly obedient servant) summoned his two
friends to share in it. Well, maybe 'friends' is the
wrong word: one of them was his on-again, off-again
love, and the other ... wasn't.
"T'huulipp was the prettier one, I'll admit ... and so
will you, once I refer to her by the Human name
Novalis. She was also about the only one that could
make Khedzaklipp come away from his forge and dance,
so she must be something to see. The other one was
Grikklipp, and the point to this entire story.
"He and Khedzaklipp have an interesting relationship:
everybody thinks that they must be enemies, because
they're always shouting at each other. However, Lipp
help anyone that attacks either one in the other's
presence. So, I guess you can call them friends.
"Anyway, the three of them looked at the pile of Glik,
and they got a little worried. It's one thing to talk
about creating new life, another to sit down and do
it. There are so many things to get wrong, after all.
Grikklipp spoke first:
"'Well,' he said. 'That's a lot of Glik.' Then he
winced at how inane that sounded.
"T'huulipp spoke up. 'Yes, but is it enough Glik
for the three of us? And is there enough different
kinds of Glik to make what we want?'
"Eh, what's that? 'Different kinds?' Ahh. Well,
it's said among the Goblins that if you look closely
at Glik, you'll see different strands and textures,
representing various tendencies and abilities. Never
having seen the stuff, I wouldn't know, but it
sounds right - and I see that our Dwarven friend is
nodding, so he must have heard of this, too.
"Anyway, the story doesn't make any sense otherwise,
because at this point Grikklipp speaks up and says:
"'Tell you what: we'll isolate out the basic Glik
first and divide it up equally. Then we'll put the
rest of it in seperate piles and you two can use it to
make your creations. I'll make do with the basics.'
"Neither of the others would hear of this, though, so
Grikklipp thought for a moment. 'Alright,' he said,
'we'll still divide up the main Glik. The special
bits, though... I'll take 10% of all of them in
exchange for helping you divide up the rest. That
way, I get to season my creation, and you two won't
end up arguing with each other.'
"So, the other two agreed, and they began to mix up
their Glik into people. However, pretty soon
Khedzaklipp realized that he needed just a bit more
extra stolidness, and T'huulipp needed all of hers.
Grikklapp offered to give him his, in exchange for
some of Khedzaklipp's extra wits-Glik. The deal was
struck. And that's why Goblins are a little smarter
than usual, if a little impulsive.
"Then, T'huulipp realized that she didn't have nearly
as much strength as she thought she had... and she
knew that Khedzaklipp was scraping up of that he could
find. Luckily, Grikklapp was willing to trade all of
his extra Strength-Glik (and a little extra) in
exchange for her extra nimbleness-Glik. The deal was
struck. And that's why Goblins may be weakish, but
pretty speedy to make up for it.
"And so it went. Grikklap was busy divvying up the
various piles of Glik, taking his 10% and making sure
that his two friends pretty much got what they needed.
Because Grikklap's Glik-sculpture had so many
different strands in it, it looked a bit different
than the others, but that was OK. It was a good
sculpture, if I do say so myself.
"Finally, the three were almost done, and they looked
at each other's work. Things were almost perfect, but
not quite.
"Grikklap first looked at his Glik sculpture, then at
Khedzaklipp's. 'Tell you what,' he mused, 'I'll trade
some of my hair and extra lifespan and for a little of
both your height and fertility.' At Khedzaklipp's
nod, he turned to T'hullip. 'And I'll trade you ...
hmm. You really don't need infrared vision, do you?
I'll give you my natural armor in exchange.' She
nodded as well.
"You understand, of course, that they were talking
about their creations' abilities, not their own. So,
the final trades were made, the three Powers bent down
and whispered the Words of Life into the Glik, and lo!
Dwarf and Treefolk and Goblin were born.
"So, that's why Goblins are the way they are. We're
the result of a marathon session of compromise, deal
making and inspired horse-Trading. We wouldn't have
it any other way: we had to give up a bit here and
there, but we did pretty well out of the deal.
Although the armor would have been nice...
"Anyway, that's the story about 'How Marc Brokered the
Goblins into Existence' Another drink? I'll buy this
round: only fair, after all."
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