Character Types
The borders between the various SoapToon character types are sketchy
at best--a character can begin a scenario as a High-Paid Enterprise
Executive, and then find himself a Compulsive Maniac at the end of the
same session. Here, however, are a list of the basic figures you can
expect:
Enterprise Owners
SoapToon must always feature at least one powerful company/factory in
each adventure. The person who actually owns the deed to this financial
enterprise is an Enterprise Owner. In all probability, the Owner is a
kind, decent, gullible person who just wants to keep his workers happy,
but he could be a tyrannic no-goodnik. It really depends on the nature
of the Enterprise Controller.
Enterprise Controller
Who is the person who can Get Things Done? Who rules the Enterprise
Employees with an Iron Fist? And who, oh who, is the Enterprise Owner's
favorite advisor in the whole world? The Enterprise Controller! This
guy is the one who is REALLY in charge. He's a slick kinda guy, who
knows all of the ropes, has connections with all of the other rival
Enterprises, and invariably has made a Life Quest out of getting the
enterprise out of the hands of the sweet, caring Enterprise Owner. On
rare occasions--very rare--the Owner and the Controller are the same
person, but this greatly reduces the amount of intrigue in a given plot.
Enterprise Worker
These are the secretaries, clerks, untitled company aids, and
other such schleps. More than likely, any player-run characters
will be Enterprise Workers. Even Enterprise Workers can aspire to be
something bigger--high-powered Workers. An adventure can be run around
the concept of a Worker becoming the Controller becoming the Owner of an
Enterprise--and then loosing it all in a horrible cream-pie-related
accident, most likely caused by some up-and-coming new Enterprise
Controller. Nothing is really stable. Some people don't exactly work
for an Enterprise--they are the ones who work for the Enterprise
Employees--gardeners (who are in reality the lost sons of the Enterprise
Janitor), maids, butlers and housekeepers (each one is a Rival
Enterprise Spy), and assorted ranch hands (who just want to get their
greedy little mitts on the Enterprise Secret Plans).
Anger-Driven, Bitter People
So, the Enterprise Owner gave a three dollar and fifty-cent raise to
the other guy, but not you? You found your accountant was playing
tiddly-winks with Wanda, the little bunny tart next door? There's only
one thing to do--seek out revenge, by any devious means available!
Cream Pies in the dead of night, poisoned weenies at the Enterprise
picnic, whatever--you're driven to get even with somebody! And when you
do, there's only one option left--find someone else to relentlessly
stalk. What a joy life is!
Evil Twins
Anybody could have one--the nasty, awful people who appear, cause
as much havok as possible, and then fade silently away. They always
look just like someone important--an Enterprise Owner, Controller, or
High-Power Employee. Or perhaps they look like the former best friend
of Hugh Waltbunny, Executive Administrator of Pflugerville Salad Oil
Enterprises.
Long Lost Anybodies
These people are sort of like Evil Twins, but they might not always
be evil. Sure, some of them are bitter and resentful, but they aren't
ALL bad. Long Lost Sons might be angry that they missed out on their
father's affection, or their mother's prize-winning pasta, but they're
still good boys, at heart. Long Lost Cousins pop up occasionally, when
they hear that someone's will's going to be read--they usually just want
money. Long Lost Daughters come to the light at times, hang around for
a few weeks, and then vanish. Long Lost Great Aunts and Long Lost
Grandparents are rather rare--apparently, they're able to take care of
themselves.
Irresistable Beauty (5 pts.)
This shtick is normally available only to female characters, unless a
player can come up with a really funny reason for giving Irresistable Beauty
to a male (or neuter--like a very attractive Toyota) character. Against
characters of the opposite sex, Irresistable Beauty works as a low-grade
Hypnosis--characters under the beautiful creature's influence will do almost
anything to keep her happy. The infatuated character cannot be convinced
that he is a birdie, and will not suddenly gain the ability to fly--no
matter what the temptress tells him. If a character makes her Incredible
Beauty roll, she can control any males in the immediate area. ("Oh, I would
be SO happy if you would climb to the top of Gitchie Gitchie Goo Peak and
fetch me a coconut palm...")
If a character using the Irresistable Beauty shtick fails her shtick roll with a 12, she will probably be caught up in some horrible "Perils of Pauline" scenario--a villain might capture her and tie her to a train track, or some other nonsense will occur.
Obscene Amounts of Money (6 pts.)
Characters with this shtick literally have money falling out of their
pockets (and their hatbands, and their boots, and their spotted boxer
shorts). A character with Obscene Amounts of Money need never worry
about paying for expensive items again! All he need do is make a
successful shtick roll, and he automatically has the money to buy
anything his heart wants. Failure might not mean his financial supply
ran out, but perhaps he is just in a financial slump--his salad oil
Enterprise collapsed, or something--nothing he can't get out of. Note
that at almost any time, the Animator might say that the character's
suppliers of money have completely gone dry--the Obscene Amounts of
Money shtick can easily turn to Extreme Poverty. This is a temporary
change--any disgustingly wealthy character worth his salt can sieze
control of another Enterprise without any real difficulty.
Command (5 pts.)
Here is a shtick for those born to lead! Command gives the character
a swarm of eager followers. They won't fight for the character, but
they will get him a phone, fetch him coffee, and fly to the moon and
back for three copies of that document on the Pflugerville salad oil
fields. The character won't be able to get his legion to Fall Down for
him, but anything else is certainly possible. A shtick roll is required
for each task given to this swarm of followers. (If the character is
particularly cruel to his followers, the Eager Followers Union can
always show up to make things more interesting.)
Guns
Easy to find. Assume that any character, other than an Enterprise
Owner, can pull a gun out of his Back Pocket. These are for use agianst
Evil Twins and Anger-Driven, Bitter People--unless they are used BY Evil
Twins and Anger-Driven, Bitter People.
Enterprises
Massive factories, insanely large factories--Ace itself is one of the
largest enterprises known to 'toon. Some of the lesser-known
Enterprises are the Pflugerville Salad Oil Enterprise, the
Farthingbrooks Hospital, and the Chicken Crest fast-food franchise.
Each has its own host of Employees and Controllers.
Kisses
(Eewwww...mushy stuff!) A kiss in SoapToon can potentially go on for
over three weeks. Just keep dropping in on the kissing characters.
There's a fifty-fifty chance that the characters have unexpectedly
become joined at the lips, and must be taken to a hospital--otherwise,
the characters will be able to seperate with a loud "Pop!"
Sub-Plots
The number of sub-plots in a soap opera can boggle the human mind. Or
the mind of a fire hydrant. Assume that there will always be at least
twenty-five sub-plots, and that they can end without notification, and
new ones will come into being without warning to replace them. Each
character in a SoapToon game must roll on the Incredibly Twisted Plot
Generator to see what plot strings are attached to them. In fact, the
average SoapToon adventure consists of working to unravel these twists,
without any real plot to support the story line. When there's even a
story line...
Ranches
They're like guns. Everyone has a ranch. The biggest ranches are
Enterprises unto themselves. Whether the ranch is just a place to go
for a pleasant walk, or a place where people actually raise cattle (the
trick is to actually get them up into the air), a ranch is a necessity
for living in a Soap Opera.
SouthPork
SouthPork is the personal ranch of J. P. Eweing. As such, it is just
the place to go to meat--ahem, meet--the upper crust of society. Most
of the ranch hands are Long Losts, so be prepared for a personal
biography from almost anyone you talk to at SouthPork
Pflugerville Salad Oil Enterprise
Again, a project of J. P. Eweing--this is the source of his obscene
wealth. Here, people pump oil for Texas's salads. Salad oil, being
flammable, is a difficult substance to work with--fun can be had here by
tampering with Eweing's elaborate safety mechanisms.
Chicken Crest
Home of the Big One! Chicken Crest stands can be found all over Town,
the continental US, and many parts of the Toon-Fu setting as well.
Expanditure into the StarToon campaign reality is next on the Chicken
Crest agenda.
Chicken Crest stands are great places to go for a bite to eat, providing you have time (meals in a Chicken Crest stand have a way of lingering, as the Animator switches from one Plot Strand to another...)
Farthingbrooks Hospital
Where does every character go to have his Funny Bone repaired?
Farthingbrooks! Actually, there aren't that many other places to
patronize--the wealthy Farthingbrooks Enterprise has put every other
hospital in the SoapToon out of business.
The Other Guy's Enterprise
Wonderful places! The Other Guys' Enterprises are chock-full of dirty
secrets, neat ways to practice Insider Trading, and other goodies. If
you're an Enterprise Employee, by double-crossing your boss (don't
worry--everyone does it) you can make twice the money you're used to!
Your home Enterprise owner won't get mad at you, but the Enterprise
Controller will be steamed--and he has a gun!
General Anesthetic
Setting: Farthingbrooks Hospital. Hugo Schoppink and his family have
come to stay for a while--Hugo himself is a little woozy, while his wife
is getting ready to have a baby--not Hugo's, 'cause Hugo was in the
Alps, studying Mountain-Climbing Elvis-Impersonators. The rest of
Hugo's family is in the hospital for scorched noses, following a
horrible Cafe Flambe' accident. (Was it an accident, or was the coffee
spiked with gasoline? You have to find that out for yourself!)
Who shot J. P.?
Millionaire J. P. Eweing has been shot! Luckily, the expert
sheepologists of Farthingbrooks were able to save his life, but who was
the assassin? Assasin? Asassin? Who was this mystery man who shot
J. P.? Surely not J. P. J., the mild-mannered young ram who was hired
to keep J. P.'s pool filled--why would he do a thing like that? And why
did J. P. hire him in the first place--J. P.'s a ram, also--he usually
only hires dogs and lemmings!
As the Fog Burns
A rival Enterprise is pollutting the air--but your own Enterprise is
taking the heat! How can you stop this? And when, oh when, will the
Enterprise Owner stop making paper dolls and start trying to save his
company?
J. P. Eweing
Not your typical ram--J. P. Eweing's once-muscular body is now flabby,
and his wool doesn't have that healthy sheen anymore. He always chews a
cigar--never smokes it, just chews it. J. P. wears formal business
suits, no shoes, and a wide-brimmed black cowboy hat. Think "Rich
Cowboy Sheep"--that's how Eweing dresses. He carries an unlimited
supply of cigars, a large bottle of salad oil, and a lot of silver
jewelry. Ever since an attempt was made on his life, he's been wearing
bullet-proof vests (size L) as well.
Note--J. P. is NOT a stupid Enterprise Owner! He always fires anyone who gets too close to the Top, and rules with a heavy hoof.
Beliefs & Goals: I've got to keep the Pflugerville Salad Oil Company out of the water. No-one, I repeat, no-one, is gonna take it away from me. I'm still the handsomest ram around, and cigars won't hurt me as long as I don't smoke them.
Hit Points: 8 Speed: 2 Muscle: 3 Break Down Door: 3 Climb: 3 Fight: 5 Pick Up Heavy Thing: 3 Throw: 3 Zip: 2 Dodge: 2 Drive Vehicle: 8 Fire Gun: 9 Jump: 2 Run: 2 Swim: 2 Smarts: 5 Hide/Spot Hidden: 6 Identify Dangerous Thing: 7 Read: 9 Resist Fast-Talk: 11 (!) See/Hear/Smell: 5 Set/Disarm Trap: 6 Track/Cover Tracks: 6 Chutzpah: 6 Fast-Talk: 8 Pass/Detect Shoddy Goods: 7 Sleight of Hand: 6 Sneak: 4 Shticks: Obscene Amounts of Money: 9 Command: 7 Incredible Luck: 5Wictor Newcatt
Beliefs & Goals: Don't let Dad make shambles of Newcatt Enterprises. Try not to fall in love with every female I meet. Always be a little paranoid, 'cause anyone might want to take over your Enterprise. Wherever I go, I can always cash in my Rolex for gobs of money. Don't be afraid to let people know I'm rich--they won't try to rob me or anything, 'cause I'm Powerful. With a capital "P".
Hit Points: 10 Speed: 6 Muscle: 4 Break Down Door: 4 Climb: 8 Fight: 8 (Likes to fence) Pick Up Heavy Thing: 5 Throw: 4 Zip: 5 Dodge: 7 Drive Vehicle: 6 Fire Gun: 9 Jump: 6 Ride: 7 Run: 5 Swim: 5 Smarts: 3 Hide/Spot Hidden: 4 Identify Dangerous Thing: 4 Read: 8 Resist Fast-Talk: 7 See/Hear/Smell: 3 Set/Disarm Trap: 3 Track/Cover Tracks: 3 Chutzpah: 4 Fast-Talk: 7 Pass/Detect Shoddy Goods: 7 Sleight of Hand: 4 Sneak: 4 Shticks: Command: 6 Irresistable Beauty: 8 (works on females, of course.)Wikkie Newcatt
Beliefs & Goals: Always let Wictor know how much I love him. Try to visit the gardener at least once a day (even though he's Wictor's Long-Lost Hairdresser). Whenever Wictor vanishes, I've got to get really worried, then depressed, then I can marry the next poor schlep who walks through the door. Never pass up a chance to spread a little dirt!
Hit Points: 7 Speed: 5 Muscle: 2 Break Down Door: 2 Climb: 8 Fight: 5 (Fences with Wictor) Pick UP Heavy Thing: 2 Throw: 3 Zip: 5 Dodge: 6 Drive Vehicle: 5 Fire Gun: 8 Jump: 7 Ride: 6 Run: 7 Swim: 6 Smarts: 6 (All Smarts skills: 6) Chutzpah: 1 Fast-Talk: 4 Pass/Detect Shoddy Goods: 3 Sleight Of Hand: 2 Sneak: 3 Shticks Purse of Many Things: 4Laurin Finmore
Beliefs & Goals: Always play the roll of the Up-'N-Coming young Enterprise Owner. Never fail to show off the wide selection of dresses and ornamental accessories for Every Occasion.
Hit Points: 10 Speed: 4 Muscle: 4 (All Muscle Skills: 4) Zip: 3 Dodge: 5 Drive Vehicle: 4 Fire Gun: 9 Jump: 3 (a little better in the water) Ride: 3 Run: 2 Swim: 8 Smarts: 6 Hide/Spot Hidden: 7 Identify Dangerous Thing: 8 Read: 9 Resist Fast-Talk: 9 See/Hear/Smell: 6 Set/Disarm Trap: 6 Track/Cover Tracks: 6 Chutzpah: 6 Fast-Talk: 7 Pass/Detect Shoddy Goods: 6 Sleight of Hand: 6 Sneak: 6 Shticks: Do Businessy Things: 8 Quick Change/Disguise: 6Shiva Gnasher Shiva exists to cause difficulties. She is your typical Bitter, Anger-Driven person, though no-one knows what she is so angry about. Up to this point, she has limited herself to child-stealing, embezzlement, petty theft, grand theft, murder, arson, slander and various parking offenses. Shiva is a devious little weasel (literally--the lady's a tall, slender ferret). She has all of the hallmarks of your typical obsessive personality, and always looks a frumpy and tired.
Beliefs & Goals: I've forgotten what Wictor did, but I've Got To Get Even with him! And his little wife! And his little dog, Tutu! And everyone he's ever met! And that fishy character, Laurin! They all need to be punished for what they've done to me--now what was it they've done to me?
Hit Points: 10 Speed: 6
Muscle: 3
Break Down Door: 5
Climb: 6
Fight: 7
Pick Up Heavy Thing: 3
Throw: 3
Zip: 5
Dodge: 8
Drive Vehicle: 2 (Not that it stops her from trying)
Fire Gun: 10
Jump: 5
Ride: 3
Run: 7
Swim: 6
Smarts: 4
Hide/Spot Hidden: 4
Identify Dangerous Thing: 4
Read: 4
Resist Fast-Talk: 4
See/Hear/Smell: 7
Set/Disarm Trap: 8
Track/Cover Tracks: 8
Chutzpah: 3
(All Chutzpah Skills: 3)
Shticks:
Quick Change/Disguise: 5
Purse of Many Dangerous Things: 5
Cosmic Shift: 4
Irresistable Beauty: 8
Wierd Science: 3
Teleport: 6 (Modified--she can only appear
where she isn't wanted)
Scene Breaks
Judicious use of scene breaks--unexpected jumps to a new scene, or even
a long, pointless flashback--can make the simplest action linger for
weeks! A simple conversation with a Bitter Individual can take Wictor
out of a given plot for three or four hours, just as long as the
Animator flashes in on him so that he can say the phrase "And then the
frog--"
Falling Down
Sometimes, a SoapToon character will get back up after Falling Down.
Other times, an Evil Twin (who acts just like the original character)
will take his place. Other times, everyone will think the character
Fell Down, but in reality, he was abducted by Rural Librarians. Falling
Down in the SoapToon setting is even less predictable than in more
realistic Toon games.
The Character's
1) Mother or Father...
2) Sister or Brother...
3) Maid or Butler...
4) Best Friend...
5) Evil Twin...
6) Major Household Appliance...
11) Is very, very sick,
12) Is working for a Game-Designing Enterprise in Wisconsin,
13) Is working for a Rival Enterprise,
14) Is plotting against the character,
15) Is plotting against the character's uncle,
16) Is raising raisins in Rhode Island,
21) Has been kidnapped by terrorists,
22) Has been kidnapped by misguided relatives,
23) Has been abducted by aliens,
24) Has been abducted by Elvis Impersonators,
25) Has been kidnapped by farmers,
26) Has been kidnapped by blind nuns,
31) Has become a Catchooloid cultist,
32) Has been replaced by an Evil Twin,
33) Has been replaced by an alien look-alike,
34) Has been sold to Gypsies,
35) Has been shape-changed into a hatrack,
36) Has become a werewolf,
41) Is visiting France,
42) Has bought Egypt,
43) Is living in Tibet,
44) Is being mind-controlled by a Voodoo priest from Out-of-Town,
45) Is scheming against the character,
46) Is living with a llama in Botswana,
51) Is being used as a test subject by a Mad Scientist,
52) Has become an exotic dancer,
53) Is now a model for "Cheeky French Maid" magazine,
54) Has taken up lion-training in Austin, Texas,
55) Has been crowned King (or Queen) of Mars,
56) Has been posessed by the ghost of a dead pirate,
61) Has disguised herself/himself as a mime and is wandering The City,
62) Is dating the character's Natural Enemy,
63) Has gone back in time to the days of his/her great-grandparents,
64) Has gone completely insane ("He thinks he's a fruit bat!"),
65) Has become a Game Show Hostess (or Host)
66) Has become a terrible klutz--drops everything, trips all the time,
hurts himself on furniture, ect.
But...
1) Everyone thinks he/she's Fallen Down. 2) She/He's supposed to marry someone really important--a president, rival Enterprise owner, or maybe a member of the character's party. 3) An ex-husband/wife/boyfriend/girlfriend/drinking buddy/pinbal partner desperately wants to get back together with him/her. 4) Someone died, and he/she's mentioned in the will. Can she make it back in time for the reading? 5) His/Her Long-Lost __________ has been found, and it's vitally important that the two get back together again. 6) Roll Twice.Meanwhile, Our Character...
1) Has been kidnapped by 1) The Elvis Impersonators
2) Wants to join 2) The ninjas
3) Is trying to hire 3) The Enterprise Executives
4) Is being hunted by 4) The Secret Monks
5) Is studying 5) The Police
6) Is madly in love with one of 6) The Quiet Gardeners
1) Of
2) From
3) Who are hiding in
4) Who operate from
5) Who secretly control
6) Who protect and guard
11) Wellsville, Ohio
12) Pudukkottai, India
13) Fresno, California
14) Fresno, Ohio
15) Austin, Texas
16) Dillsboro, Illinois
21) Denton, Georgia
22) Elk City, Idaho
23) Ngaruawahia, New Zealand
24) Walla Walla, Washington
25) Xique-Xique, Brazil
26) Wynot, Nebraska
31) Skandenborg, Denver
32) Schwartzenback an der
scchsischen saale, Germany
33) Truth or Consequences, New
Mexico
34) Toto, Guam
35) Sneedville, Tennessee
36) Cactus, Arizona
41) Buffalo Lake, Minnesota
42) Bujumbura, Burundi
43) Bukittinggi, Indonesia
44) Kajikazawa, Japan
45) Musselshell, Montana
46) Parsippany, New Jersey
51) Nyack, New York
52) Ola, Idaho
53) Sopchoppy, Florida
54) Halfway, Wyoming
55) Occidental, California
56) Oats, South Carolina
61) Schenectady, New York
62) Sylvester, Georgia
63) Lake Geneva, Wisconson
64) Enigma, Georgia
65) Orange Grove, Texas
66) Des Moines, Iowa