/*
// The Fnord Program
// Copyright 1997-1999 by Steve Jackson Games (http://www.sjgames.com/).
// All Rights Reserved.
//
// The Fnorder was originally written for the Illuminati BBS by Steve
// Jackson and Creede Lambard.  It was later reimplemented in C by
// Loyd Blankenship, converted to perl by Jackie Hamilton,
// converted back to C by Tim Schiedel.
//
// --readme.txt--
// Distribution of this program is prohibited.  You are permitted to download
// a copy for personal use, but do not upload it to FTP sites.  If you are
// interested in licensing this product for commercial use, please contact
// Micah Jackson at micahj@io.com.
//
// This program is shareware.  If you like it and decide to keep it, please
// send $10 to:
//
//         Steve Jackson Games
//         Attn: Shareware
//         PO Box 18957
//         Austin, TX 78760
//
// Fnord is written in C.  It generates a "fnord" string by using random
// words and inserting them into various grammatical patterns.  To run it,
// type "fnord".
//
// The C code is ANSI standard, and should compile on any standard compiler.
//
// Thanks, and enjoy Fnord!
//
*/


#include <string.h>
#include <stdlib.h>
#include <time.h>

/*
// If you MUST add to this data, make sure you increment the defines;
// these values are what the arrays are actually -presently- holding,
// and there's no space for extras (keep it exact, too, or you'll end
// up with blank fields; i.e. "You must meet at with." as output).
*/
#define MAX_ADJ	158	// adjectives
#define MAX_NAM	146	// names
#define MAX_PLA	92	// places
#define MAX_PRE	102	// prepositions
#define MAX_ACT	76	// actions
#define MAX_PRO	5	// pronouns
#define MAX_INT	34	// intros
#define MAX_NOU	182	// nouns
#define MAX_MOD	11	// modifiers
#define MAX_INF	49	// infinitives
#define MAX_ABI	14	// abilities

void main()
{
	char adjectives[MAX_ADJ][20] =
	{"23rd ", "acceptable ", "acrobatic ", "alien ", "amiable ",
	"amoeboid ", "ancient ", "arbitrary ", "atomic ", "avenging ",
	"awesome ", "balanced ", "besotted ", "best ", "black ", "blue ",
	"calculating ", "cast iron ", "cat-like ", "cautious ", "Chinese ",
	"cold ", "communist ", "corrupt ", "dead ", "deadly ", "dehydrated ",
	"disguised ", "dizzy ", "drug-crazed ", "drunken ", "easy ",
	"electric ", "embossed ", "enormous ", "expensive ", "explosive ",
	"extraterrestrial ", "ferocious ", "frozen ", "furry ", "gelatinous ",
	"glowing ", "gnarly ", "gold ", "granular ", "greedy ", "green ",
	"high ", "highest ", "hot ", "humming ", "illuminated ", "imitation ",
	"impotent ", "impudent ", "impulsive ", "indictable ", "innocent ",
	"insane ", "Japanese ", "lecherous ", "lizard-like ", "lovely ",
	"maniacal ", "mauve ", "medium-sized ", "morbid ", "most influential ",
	"mutant ", "naughty ", "nuclear ", "oily ", "oozing ", "opaque ",
	"opulent ", "orbital ", "persuasive ", "pickled ", "poor ",
	"pregnant ", "protozoan ", "puce ", "pulsating ", "purple ",
	"putrid ", "radical ", "radioactive ", "red ", "reformed ",
	"reincarnated ", "rubber ", "Russian ", "screaming ", "sexy ",
	"shiftless ", "shifty ", "Siamese ", "silver ", "sin-ridden ",
	"sinister ", "sizzling ", "skeptical ", "slack-producing ",
	"sleeping ", "slick ", "slime-dripping ", "slimy ", "slippery ",
	"sluggish ", "smoking ", "solid gold ", "splendid ", "squamous ",
	"stoned ", "sweet ", "temporary ", "throbbing ", "tin-plated ",
	"tiny ", "transient ", "treacherous ", "tubular ", "ugly ",
	"untouchable ", "user-friendly ", "user-serviceable ", "vacant ",
	"vacillating ", "vampiric ", "vibrant ", "virginal ", "vivid ",
	"wealthy ", "well-dressed ", "white ", "wimpy ", "worthless ",
	"young ","illegal ", "tax-free ", "drugged ", "polluted ",
	"flaming ", "diseased ", "agnostic ","anorexic ", "conquering ",
	"cosmic ", "dancing ", "dyslexic ", "frenzied ", "lumpy ", "musical ",
	"plump ", "perfectly ordinary ", "French ", "Martian "};

	char names[MAX_NAM][22] =
	{"007 ", "a dead relative ", "a long-lost uncle ","a dead rock star ",
	"Abdul Al-Azrad ", "Abraham Lincoln ", "Agent Orange ","Bill Gates ",
	"Albert Einstein ", "Alfred E. Neumann ", "Ali Baba ", "Aladdin ",
	"Arsenio Hall ", "Barry Goldwater ", "Batman ", "Buck Rogers
","Calvin ",
	"Bullwinkle ", "Captain Ahab ", "Captain America ", "Captain Kirk ",
	"Captain Nemo ", "Charlie Brown ", "Cthulhu ", "Dan Quayle
","Dilbert ",
	"Darth Vader ", "Dave Letterman ", "Uncle Bob ", "Dr. Destructo ",
	"Dracula ", "Eddie Murphy ", "Edgar Rice Burroughs ", "Elvis ",
	"Erik Bloodaxe ", "Evil Stevie ", "Fearless Leader ",
	"Ferdinand Marcos ", "Flamin' Jane ", "Flaming Carrot ",
	"Gary Shandling ", "George ", "George Lucas ", "Gerald Ford ",
	"Gandhi ", "Gorbachev ", "Grandmother ", "Gumby ", "Hamlet ","Hobbes ",
	"Han Solo ", "Hitler ", "Ho Chi Minh ", "Hulk Hogan ","Hillary ",
	"Hunter S. Thompson ", "Idi Amin ", "Internal Security ",
	"Isaac Asimov ", "Jack the Ripper ", "Jane Fonda ", "Jesus ",
	"Jimmy Carter ", "Johnny Carson ", "Johnny-B-Gud ",
	"Joseph Stalin ", "Kareem Abdul-Jabbar ", "King Arthur ", "King Tut ",
	"Lex Luthor ", "Luke Skywalker ", "Manuel Noriega ",
	"Margaret Thatcher ", "Michael Jordan ", "Mick Jagger ",
	"Mohammed ", "Moses ", "Mr. Bill ", "Mr. Ed ", "Mr. Science ",
	"Mr. Spock ", "Muffy ", "Nancy Reagan ", "Nelson Mandela ", "Nixon ",
	"Norman Bates ", "Obi-Wan Kenobi ", "Oliver North ", "Paul ",
	"Paul Newman ", "Perry Mason ", "President Clinton ", "Princess Leia ",
	"Rambo ", "Richard Pryor ", "Ringo ", "Robby the Robot ",
	"Robert Heinlein ", "Rocky ", "Roger Rabbit ", "Ronald Reagan ",
	"Scrooge ", "Sir Lancelot ", "Snoopy ", "Spaceman Spiff ",
	"Spiderman ", "Squad 23 ", "Steve ", "Steven Spielberg ", "Superman ",
	"the A.C.L.U. ", "The Computer ", "the Discordian ", "Sir Paul ",
	"the Hand ", "The Illuminati ", "the Joker ", "the Legion of Doom ",
	"the ninja ", "the Pentagon ", "the Secret Master ",
	"the Secret Service ", "the vice squad ", "Thor ", "Timothy Leary ",
	"Tiny Tim ", "Tom Clancy ", "Tweety-Bird ", "Uncle Duke ", "Weird Al ",
	"Winston Churchill ", "yo' mama ", "your brother ",
	"your evil twin ", "your father ", "your mother ", "your sister ",
	"Zaphod Beeblebrox ", "Zeus ", "Zonker ","Donovan's Brain ",
	"Jimmy Hoffa ","Tristero ","the Archdean ","Asmodeus ",
	"Archangel Gabriel "};

	char places[MAX_PLA][35] =
	{"(not available at your clearance) ", "Alpha Centauri ",
	"Alpha Complex ", "Atlantis ", "Austin ", "Berkeley ", "Berlin ",
	"Buckingham Palace ", "Callahan's Place ", "Cheyenne Mountain ",
	"Chicago ", "Cyberworld ", "Dallas ", "Death Valley ", "Dime Box ",
	"Endsville ", "Gasoline Alley ", "headquarters ", "Hell ",
	"Hollywood ", "Hong Kong ", "Iran ", "Iraq ", "Israel ",
	"Joe's Bar and Grill ", "Katmandu ", "Lake Geneva ", "Las Vegas ",
	"left field ", "Lithuania ", "London ", "Los Angeles ", "Main Street ",
	"Mars ", "Middle Earth ", "Mission Control ", "Mordor ", "Moscow ",
	"Munich ", "my back yard ", "New York ", "Peking ", "Poland ",
	"San Francisco ", "Siberia ", "Sixth Street ", "SJ Games ",
	"Switzerland ", "Tel Aviv ", "the back forty ", "the Bastille ",
	"the bathroom ", "the best place possible ", "the brewery ",
	"the Bat Cave ", "the corner bar ", "the dentists' convention ",
	"the doghouse ", "the dumpster ", "the editorial department ",
	"the Empire State Building ", "the hackers' convention ",
	"the home of a trusted friend ", "the Hotel California ",
	"the Last National Bank ", "the North Pole ", "the ocean ",
	"the outback ", "the Pentagon ", "the Phoenix Project ", "the river ",
	"the same place as before ", "the service station ", "the South
Pole ",
	"the Super Bowl ", "the tavern ", "the toxic waste dump ",
	"the U.S. Attorney's Office ", "the Vatican ", "the Watergate Hotel ",
	"the White House ", "the World Trade Center ", "Toledo ", "Topeka ",
	"Uranus ", "Wall Street ", "Washington, D.C. ", "you-know-where ",
	"your place ", "Yrth ","the Death Star ",
	"beautiful downtown Burbank "};

	char prepositions[MAX_PRE][34] =
	{"assumes responsibility for ", "avoids servants of ",
	"deals with ", "elopes with ", "evades agents of ", "flees from ",
	"flees to ", "flies to ", "flies toward ", "goes for ", "goes to ",
	"has finished in ", "has left with ", "hides in ", "is attacked by ",
	"is commanded by ", "is concerned about ", "is contaminated by ",
	"is destroyed by ", "is distressed by ", "is financed by ",
	"is fondled by ", "is found by ", "is imitated by ", "is
infiltrated by ",
	"is joined by ", "is like a god to ", "is removed by ",
	"is the patron of ", "is threatened by ", "listens to ", "makes fun
of ",
	"may not visit ", "moves to ", "originates from ", "reports to ",
	"retreats from ", "returns to ", "shoots henchmen of ",
	"should watch for ", "steals from ", "takes blame for ",
	"takes control of ", "takes no notice of ", "takes refuge in ",
	"travels to ", "walks to ", "was eliminated by ", "was seen in ",
	"will go to ", "withdraws from ", "assumed responsibility for ",
	"avoided servants of ","has dealt with ", "eloped with ",
	"evaded agents of ", "fled from ", "fled to ", "flew to ",
	"flew toward ", "has gone for ", "went to ", "hides in ",
	"was attacked by ", "was commanded by ", "was concerned about ",
	"was contaminated by ", "was destroyed by ", "was distressed by ",
	"was financed by ", "was fondled by ", "was found by ",
	"was imitated by ", "was infiltrated by ", "was joined by ",
	"was removed by ", "was the patron of ", "was threatened by ",
	"listened to ", "made fun of ", "moved to ", "originated from ",
	"reported to ", "retreated from ", "returned to ", "shot henchmen of ",
	"watched for ", "stole from ", "took blame for ", "took control of ",
	"took no notice of ", "took refuge in ", "traveled to ",
	"walked to ","withdrew from ", "plays with ", "played with ",
	"is assassinated by ", "was assassinated by ", "is boggled by ",
	"was boggled by ", "performs surgical alternations on "};

	char actions[MAX_ACT][16] =
	{"amuses ", "avoids ", "berates ", "boggles ", "bothers ",
	"buries ", "catches ", "commands ", "contaminates ", "controls ",
	"converts ", "delivers ", "destroys ", "disfigures ", "eats ",
"enters ",
	"fondles ", "handles ", "harasses ", "hassles ", "helps ",
	"imitates ", "infiltrates ", "inherits ", "joins ", "kills ",
"leaves ",
	"massages ", "molests ", "persuades ", "perverts ", "pitches ",
	"rebuilds ", "reinforces ", "removes ", "replaces ", "resurrects ",
	"saves ", "serves ", "spanks ", "squeezes ", "strokes ", "subverts ",
	"swallows ", "swats ", "torments ", "tortures ", "transforms ",
	"whips ","teases ", "stomps ", "mates with ", "tickles ", "audits ",
	"beats ", "defeats ", "outwits ","manipulates ", "defects to ",
	"titillates ", "perverts ", "defenestrates ", "discards ",
	"abandons ", "talks to ", "talks back to ", "allies with ",
	"discovers ", "betrays ", "assassinates ", "promotes ",
	"pretends to be ", "disguises ", "disobeys ", "alters ",
	"intimidates "};

	char pronouns[MAX_PRO][6] = {"his ", "my ", "our ", "the ", "your "};

	char intros[MAX_INT][36] =
	{"4 out of 5 dentists recommend that ","Abort immediately unless ",
	"Abort previous sequence. ","Advance code sequence. ",
	"Alert all stations! ","Confirmed report: ",
	"Contrary to popular belief, ","Delete all evidence that ",
	"Determine whether ","E.F. Hutton says ","Effective immediately, ",
	"Enemy agents now know that ","Fnord! ","Follow plan x if ",
	"Ignore previous message. ","Ignore this message. ","Imperative that ",
	"It appears that ","It is not true that ",
	"Most people surveyed believe that ","Observe and report if ",
	"Oral Roberts dreamed that ","Our foes believe that ",
	"Our reporters claim that ","Pentagon officials deny that ",
	"Please investigate report that ","Step up operation. ",
	"Terminate operation if ", "The surgeon general warns that ",
	"Unsubstantiated rumor: ","Urgent! ","Usual sources confirm that ",
	"Warning! ","We suspect that "};

	char nouns[MAX_NOU][21] =
	{"911 file ", "(censored) ", "amethyst ",
	"amulet ", "ash tray ", "baby ", "BBS ", "beer bottle ", "blueprint ",
	"boat ", "book ", "bowling ball ", "business card ", "button ",
"cable ",
	"cactus ", "cannibal ", "capsule ", "carnation ", "cash ", "cat ",
	"cauliflower ", "chainsaw ", "chair ", "chicken ", "club ", "cockroach ",
	"code wheel ", "coke can ", "compact disc ", "computer ", "cork ",
	"couch ", "cow ", "crystal ", "cummerbund ",
	"cyberdeck ", "demon ", "devil ", "diamond ", "dictaphone ",
"dictator ",
	"dinosaur ", "disk drive ", "document ", "dragon ", "drug ", "duck ",
	"elephant ", "engine ", "eye ", "file ", "flag ", "floppy disk ",
	"fly ", "football ", "frame ", "frog ", "geographer ", "goldfish ",
	"grasshopper ", "grimoire ", "gyroslugger ", "hammer ", "hat ",
	"hat-rack ", "helmet ", "hemisphere ", "hot tub ", "hypodermic ",
	"ice cream ", "ID card ", "iguana ", "implement ", "infant ",
"insect ",
	"jellybean ", "jet ", "jet ski ", "jukebox ", "kitten ", "Klingon ",
	"krugerrand ", "kumquat ", "lamp ", "light bulb ", "machine gun ",
	"mallet ", "manuscript ", "mason jar ", "message ", "mosquito ",
	"motorcycle ", "mouse ", "oar ", "octopus ", "olive ", "ostrich ",
	"paddle ", "paintbrush ", "paper clip ", "passport ", "password file ",
	"password ", "pendant ", "penguin ", "petunia ", "phased plasma
rifle ",
	"phone ", "photocopy ", "piranha ", "pistol ", "pit viper ", "plant ",
	"playtester ", "pop tart ", "power drill ", "ptarmigan ",
"pterodactyl ",
	"puppy ", "pyramid ", "racquetball ", "radio ", "railroad ", "razor ",
	"rescuer ", "ring ", "rom chip ", "saber ", "saxophone ", "scenario ",
	"scraper ", "screwdriver ", "scuba mask ", "sculpture ", "sex toy ",
	"shark ", "shoggoth ", "skateboard ", "ski lift ", "skillet ",
	"spark plug ", "spider ", "submarine ", "surfboard ", "sword ",
	"teddy bear ", "telegram ", "television ", "tennis ball ", "termite ",
	"textbook ", "toast ", "tornado ", "traitor ", "transmitter ",
	"treasure chest ", "tree ", "trolley ", "trumpet ", "typewriter ",
	"user's manual ", "Uzi ", "van ", "virus ", "volleyball ", "wand ",
	"wheel ", "whip ", "yak ", "Zulu ","INWO deck ", "ukelele ", "icon ",
	"amphibian ", "toad ", "terminal ", "additive ", "piccolo ", "tuba ",
	"angel ", "demon "};

	char modifiers[MAX_MOD][14] =
	{"apparently ", "barely ", "definitely ", "disgustingly ", "far too ",
	"much too ", "not ", "probably ", "secretly ", "slightly ", "too "};

	char infinitives[MAX_INF][13] =
	{"amuse ", "avoid ", "berate ", "boggle ", "bother ", "bury ",
	"catch ", "command ", "contaminate ", "control ", "convert ",
"deliver ",
	"destroy ", "disfigure ", "eat ", "enter ", "fondle ", "handle ",
	"harass ", "hassle ", "help ", "imitate ", "infiltrate ", "inherits ",
	"join ", "kill ", "leave ", "massage ", "molest ", "persuade ",
"pervert ",
	"pitche ", "rebuild ", "reinforce ", "remove ", "replace ",
"resurrect ",
	"save ", "serve ", "spank ", "squeezes ", "stroke ", "subvert ",
	"swallow ", "swat ", "torment ", "torture ", "transform ", "whip "};

	char abilities[MAX_ABI][19] =
	{"can ", "cannot ", "will ", "will not ", "should ", "should not ",
	"must ", "must not ", "will probably ", "will probably not ",
	"doesn't ", "wants to ", "is afraid to ", "is ordered to "};

	int syntax;
	char msg[80];
	time_t ti;

	ti = (time(NULL));
	srand(ti);
	syntax = rand() % 14;
	bzero(msg, 80);

	switch(syntax) {
		case 0:
			strcat(msg, "The ");
			if (rand() % 1 > 0)
				strcat(msg, adjectives[rand() % MAX_ADJ]);
			else
				strcat(msg, nouns[rand() % MAX_NOU]);
			if (rand() % 4 == 0) {
				strcat(msg, "in ");
				strcat(msg, places[rand() % MAX_PLA]);
			}
			strcat(msg, "is ");
			strcat(msg, adjectives[rand() % MAX_ADJ]);
			break;
		case 1:
			strcat(msg, names[rand() % MAX_NAM]);
			strcat(msg, actions[rand() % MAX_ACT]);
			strcat(msg, "the ");
			strcat(msg, adjectives[rand() % MAX_ADJ]);
			strcat(msg, nouns[rand() % MAX_NOU]);
			strcat(msg, "and the ");
			strcat(msg, adjectives[rand() % MAX_ADJ]);
			strcat(msg, nouns[rand() % MAX_NOU]);
			break;
		case 2:
			strcat(msg, "The ");
			strcat(msg, nouns[rand() % MAX_NOU]);
			strcat(msg, "from ");
			strcat(msg, places[rand() % MAX_PLA]);
			strcat(msg, "will go to ");
			strcat(msg, places[rand() % MAX_PLA]);
			break;
		case 3:
			strcat(msg, names[rand() % MAX_NAM]);
			strcat(msg, "must take the ");
			strcat(msg, adjectives[rand() % MAX_ADJ]);
			strcat(msg, nouns[rand() % MAX_NOU]);
			strcat(msg, "from ");
			strcat(msg, places[rand() % MAX_PLA]);
			break;
		case 4:
			strcat(msg, places[rand() % MAX_PLA]);
			strcat(msg, "is ");
			strcat(msg, adjectives[rand() % MAX_ADJ]);
			strcat(msg, "and the ");
			strcat(msg, nouns[rand() % MAX_NOU]);
			strcat(msg, "is ");
			strcat(msg, adjectives[rand() % MAX_ADJ]);
			break;
		case 5:
			strcat(msg, names[rand() % MAX_NAM]);
			strcat(msg, prepositions[rand() % MAX_PRE]);
			strcat(msg, places[rand() % MAX_PLA]);
			strcat(msg, "for the ");
			strcat(msg, adjectives[rand() % MAX_ADJ]);
			strcat(msg, nouns[rand() % MAX_NOU]);
			break;
		case 6:
			strcat(msg, "The ");
			if (rand() % 1 > 0)
				strcat(msg, adjectives[rand() % MAX_ADJ]);
			strcat(msg, nouns[rand() % MAX_ADJ]);
			strcat(msg, actions[rand() % MAX_ACT]);
			strcat(msg, adjectives[rand() % MAX_ADJ]);
			strcat(msg, nouns[rand() % MAX_NOU]);
			if (rand() % 4 == 0) {
				strcat(msg, "in ");
				strcat(msg, places[rand() % MAX_PLA]);
			}
			break;
		case 7:
			strcat(msg, names[rand() % MAX_NAM]);
			strcat(msg, prepositions[rand() % MAX_PRE]);
			strcat(msg, places[rand() % MAX_PLA]);
			strcat(msg, "and ");
			strcat(msg, actions[rand() % MAX_ACT]);
			strcat(msg, "the ");
			strcat(msg, nouns[rand() % MAX_NOU]);
			break;
		case 8:
			strcat(msg, names[rand() % MAX_NAM]);
			strcat(msg, "takes ");
			strcat(msg, pronouns[rand() % MAX_PRO]);
			if (rand() % 1 > 0)
				strcat(msg, adjectives[rand() % MAX_ADJ]);
			strcat(msg, nouns[rand() % MAX_NOU]);
			break;
		case 9:
			strcat(msg, names[rand() % MAX_NAM]);
			strcat(msg, actions[rand() % MAX_ACT]);
			strcat(msg, "the ");
			if (rand() % 1 > 0)
				strcat(msg, adjectives[rand() % MAX_ADJ]);
			strcat(msg, nouns[rand() % MAX_NOU]);
			break;
		case 10:
			strcat(msg, names[rand() % MAX_NAM]);
			strcat(msg, actions[rand() % MAX_ACT]);
			strcat(msg, names[rand() % MAX_NAM]);
			strcat(msg, "and ");
			strcat(msg, pronouns[rand() % MAX_PRO]);
			if (rand() % 1 > 0)
				strcat(msg, adjectives[rand() % MAX_ADJ]);
			strcat(msg, nouns[rand() % MAX_NOU]);
			break;
		case 11:
			strcat(msg, names[rand() % MAX_NAM]);
			strcat(msg, "is the ");
			if (rand() % 1 > 0)
				strcat(msg, adjectives[rand() % MAX_ADJ]);
			strcat(msg, nouns[rand() % MAX_NOU]);
			*strrchr(msg, ' ') = ';';
			strcat(msg, " ");
			strcat(msg, names[rand() % MAX_NAM]);
			strcat(msg, prepositions[rand() % MAX_PRE]);
			strcat(msg, places[rand() % MAX_PLA]);
			break;
		case 12:
			strcat(msg, "You must meet ");
			strcat(msg, names[rand() % MAX_NAM]);
			strcat(msg, "at ");
			strcat(msg, places[rand() % MAX_PLA]);
			strcat(msg, "and get the ");
			if (rand() % 1 > 0)
				strcat(msg, adjectives[rand() % MAX_ADJ]);
			strcat(msg, nouns[rand() % MAX_NOU]);
			break;
		case 13:
			strcat(msg, "A ");
			strcat(msg, nouns[rand() % MAX_NOU]);
			strcat(msg, "from ");
			strcat(msg, places[rand() % MAX_PLA]);
			strcat(msg, actions[rand() % MAX_ACT]);
			strcat(msg, "the ");
			if (rand() % 1 > 0)
				strcat(msg, adjectives[rand() % MAX_ADJ]);
			if (rand() % 4 > 0)
				strcat(msg, adjectives[rand() % MAX_ADJ]);
			strcat(msg, nouns[rand() % MAX_NOU]);
			break;
		default:
			strcat(msg, "Root has a broken Fnord. No, really ");
	}
	msg[0] = toupper(msg[0]);
	*strrchr(msg, ' ') = '.';
	printf("%s\n", msg);
}