First, the test volley . . . this was posted by the real Seth Cohen March 31st at 2:35 pm . . .
S P E C I A L A N N O U N C E M E N T
Internet Cleaning
DO NOT CONNECT TO THE INTERNET FROM MARCH 31st 23:59 pm (GMT)
UNTIL 12:01am (GMT) APRIL 2nd.
*** Attention ***
It's that time again! As many of you know, each year the
Internet must be shut down for 24 hours in order to allow us
to clean it. The cleaning process, which eliminates dead e-mail
and inactive ftp, www, and gopher sites, allows for a better
working and faster Internet.
This year, the cleaning process will take place from 23:59 pm
(GMT) on March 31st until 00:01 am (GMT) on April 2nd. During
that 24-hour period, five powerful Internet-crawling robots
situated around the world will search the Internet and delete
any data that they find.
In order to protect your valuable data from deletion we ask
that you do the following:
1. Disconnect all terminals and local area networks from their
Internet connections.
2. Shut down all Internet servers, or disconnect them from
the Internet.
3. Disconnect all disks and hardrives from any connections to
the Internet.
4. Refrain from connecting any computer to the Internet in
any way.
We understand the inconvenience that this may cause some
Internet users, and we apologize. However, we are certain that
any inconveniences will be more than made up for by the increased
speed and efficiency of the Internet, once it has been cleared
of electronic flotsam and jetsam.
We thank you for your cooperation.
Fu Ling Yu
Interconnected Network Maintenance Staff Main Branch,
Massachusetts Institute of Technology
Sysops and others: Since the last Internet cleaning, the number
of Internet users has grown dramatically. Please assist us in
alerting the public of the upcoming Internet cleaning by posting
this message where your users will be able to read it.
Please pass this message on to other sysops and Internet users
as well.
Thank you.
Once the masses had been suitably thrown off-guard, the real April Fool's joke was planted. This was posted by our "Seth Cohen" clone (whose real identity is Operative #5) right after midnight April 1st:
[My my, busy week! Just when I think I get caught up, you all
start posting more cards. And just before I leave for the weekend . . .
Shame on you all, keeping your poor CotW Adjudicator up
past his bedtime. Sorry if I missed you this week, I wanted
to get this out before I left so it was a little rushed. Your cards!]
Card of the Week!
From: darrin@neobright.net (Darrin Bright)
Type: Goal
Name: All the World's a Stage
Graphic: A gold star on Hollywood's Walk of Fame for Alan Smithee.
Quote: "And in other news, total world domination has just been achieved
by . . . "
Card Text: Control a total of 30 Media power.
From: darrin@neobright.net (Darrin Bright)
Type: Group
Name: Pharmacists
Graphic: An Evil Genius behind a glass drugstore counter full of
Galactic Prophylactics. In one hand he's holding a red pill, in the
other a blue pill.
Quote: "One pill makes you larger, and one pill makes you small . . . "
Card Text: The Pharmacists may spend an action token to switch the
printed power and resistance of any group in play (except an
Illuminati). This effect lasts until the end of the current turn. +5 on
any attack to control or destroy the Drug Companies, the AMA, or the
Psychiatrists. These groups also have a +5 to directly control or
destroy the Pharmacists.
Power: 2 Resistance: 4
Alignments: Peaceful, Corporate
Attributes: Science
Control Arrows: In: T Out: B
From: smcnair@gulftel.com (Scott McNair)
Type: Group (Org.)
Name: Rednecks
Graphic: A picture of two inbred hicks cruising in their rust-bucket pickup
truck down a dirt road; wildlife scurry out of their way. The driver's
spitting a wad of chaw into the dust, while the passenger is leaning out the
window with a 12-guage pointed at the fleeing animals.
Text: Everywhere you go in the US, you see a redneck. The Rednecks have +4
FOR EACH ALIGNMENT to control any Straight, Conservative, or Violent groups.
Power: 2
Resistance: 6
Alignments: Straight, conservative, Violent
Attributes:
In: B Out: TR
From: briand@indy.net (Brian Davidson)
Type: Group (Place)
Name: Indianapolis
Graphic: An Indy race car, a basketball with the Pacers logo on it, a
Colts horseshoe, the NCAA logo, and a banner reading "GenCon 2003".
Color Text/Quote: The Sports and Gaming (not Gambling) capital of North
America.
Card Text: +6 for direct control of Professional Sports, Wargamers,
Trading Card Games, or any amateur sports Group. Gives +2 on ANY attempt
to control these Groups. By spending Indianapolis's Action, you may look
through your Plot deck for any one "World Cup Victory" card and bring
it
into your hand. You must reshuffle your Plot deck afterward.
Power: 1 Resistance: 5
Alignments: Straight
Attributes: None
Control Arrows: In: (T) Out: (R)
From: smcnair@gulftel.com (Scott McNair)
Type: Plot (Goal)
Name: Love, Illuminati Style
Graphic: Eris & C'thulhu, dressed in a wedding dress and a tux. They're
gazing longingly into each other's eyes
Text: Each pairing of male and female groups counts as TWO groups for your
Basic Goal! This card may not be combined with other Goals in any way.
Card of the Wack!
From: msherman@projectile.dyndns.org (Marc Sherman)
Type: Resource
Name: Food and Slack Expansion
Graphic: Similar to the Miracle Diet Plan graphic, but the woman is
stuffing INWO cards into her mouth.
Quote: " . . . and I'll trade you three Insurance Companies for a gold-foil
Alan Greenspan . . . "
Card Text: You have managed to get ahold of one of the rarest and most
sought-after expansion sets for INWO . . . you are immune to Secrets Man
Was Not Meant to Know and Hoax for as long as you control it. By
discarding this resource, you may take control of any other group or
resource controlled by a rival. A player may have only one Food and
Slack Expansion in play at a time.
Attributes: Magic Artifact
From: smcnair@gulftel.com (Scott McNair)
Type: Group
Name: Online Subscription Games
Graphic: A red-eyed, emaciated gamer in a hospital bed with a laptop on
his chest. An IV drip labeled "EverHack" stands nearby, with a hose
injected into the gamer's arm.
Quote: "I can quit anytime . . . "
Card Text: Any group controlled by Online Subscription Games gains the
computer attribute, but it no longer receives action tokens. Any tokens
that would normally go to these groups are placed on Online Subscription
Games instead. The puppets of these puppets are not affected. Online
Subscription Games may give any of its tokens to any other computer
group (except its own puppets) so long as that group does not have any
tokens.
Power: 2/1 Resistance: 5
Alignments: Violent, Corporate
Attributes: Computer
Control Arrows: In: T Out: B R
From: darrin@neobright.net (Darrin Bright)
Type: Group
Name: Online Banks
Graphic: Someone in front of their computer, stuffing dollar bills into
the disk drive.
Quote: Tired of slow-moving lines, shoddy service and outrageous fees,
customers everywhere are abandoning brick-and-mortar banks for
slow-loading webpages, shoddy service and outrageous fees online.
Card Text: Online Banks gain +2 regular and global power for every
computer or bank group they directly control.
Power: 2/2 Resistance: 3
Alignments: Corporate
Attributes: Computer, Bank
Control Arrows: In: T Out: L
From: thekinglives@hotmail.com (Patrik Linell)
Type: Illuminati
Name: Leprechauns
Graphic: A happy, red-bearded midget clad in green, holding a ridiculuously
large club made from a tree branch and with an eye-in-pyramid sign on his
hat.
Power: 8/8
Special Ability: The Leprechauns has a +20 for direct control of Ireland,
and
may never destroy it. They may spend an action token to change any die roll
retroactively by 1.
Special Goal: none
From: darrin@neobright.net (Darrin Bright)
Type: Group
Name: Sweden (Place)
Graphic: Urm . . . just like Canada, only the moose is Buffy.
Quote: "How many Norwegians does it take to screw in a light bulb?"
Card Text: Most often mentioned as a socialist paradise, Sweden can
defend *any* group in your power structure as a free move, including
secret groups. Sweden has a +5 to destroy Norway . . . just because
they're, well, Norwegians.
Power: 2 Resistance: 3
Alignments: Weird, Liberal, Government
Attributes: Coastal, Nation, Pastry
Control Arrows: In: T Out: L
[And that wraps it up for this week. Oh, and sorry about that little
'Internet Cleaning' thing, but well, you know, it's that time of year
again. Kind of pointless, really . . . trying to fool people who believe
in conspiracy theories and secret illuminated messages. You're just
too quick for that sort of thing.
Seth
Your INWO CotW Adjudicator]
--
Seth A. Cohen, Pharm. D. * http://www.erols.com/sethcohen
US N.E.R.D. MIB #6666 * Cheapass Games Demo Monkey * O-
When they ask you 'race' on the Census form, fill in 'Human'.
Response was phenomenal . . . not. Operative #5 had this to say, in an e-mail dated April 3, 2000 . . .
I guess my main problem was when I sat
down to create some bogus cards,
I could only think of fairly balanced powers (with the exception of the
AP), and most of the cards seemed a little too plausible. But no one
seemed to notice the Leprechauns (originally posted in 1997), or that
Sweden was a pastry or that the moose was Buffy.
After the April Fools weekend passed, the real Seth Cohen arrived home from his convention. Imagine his surprise to find the CotW already done! He had this to say . . .
{I normally have mail labeled [INWOC] dumped into a folder.
Imagine my surprise when I found the CotW done? I was away this
weekend at MonCon in New Jersey. I did some detective work to
figure who did what. I'll leave the results of that as an
exercise for the reader. My apologies to the folks on
r.g.t-c.misc . . . doesn't look like you got spammed with the joke,
so pulling the sheets off of the joke will spoil it for you.
Since the person(s) who forged the CotW used my brackets, I'll
use a different convention to denote my text . . . }
Subject: [INWOC] INWO CotW Vol 5 Week 16
{Okay, here's the first sign that this was forged. I usally put
something obnoxious, snide, or just plain obscure into the
subject. Examining the email headers gave me an idea where this
came from . . . }
[My my, busy week! Just when I think I get caught up, you all
start posting more cards. And just before I leave for the
weekend . . .
{I had already gone for the weekend. You have no idea how busy
Friday was. And I never use the phrase "my my".}
Shame on you all, keeping your poor CotW Adjudicator up
past his bedtime. Sorry if I missed you this week, I wanted
to get this out before I left so it was a little rushed. Your
cards!]
{This sentence is a run-on, and the last bit isn't the way I've
ever said things.}
Name: All the World's a Stage
Name: Pharmacists
Name: Rednecks
Name: Indianapolis
Name: Love, Illuminati Style
Name: Food and Slack Expansion
Name: Online Subscription Games
Name: Online Banks
Name: Leprechauns
Name: Sweden (Place)
{Nice how they arranged everything acrostically . . . }
[And that wraps it up for this week. Oh, and sorry about that little
'Internet Cleaning' thing, but well, you know, it's that time of year
{And I don't apologise for that kind of stuff. I thought it was
amusing! That's why I sent it!}
again. Kind of pointless, really . . . trying to fool people who believe
in conspiracy theories and secret illuminated messages. You're just
too quick for that sort of thing.
{Notice who posted most of those messages? I suspect I know who
was the conspiracy behind this whole thing . . .
Seth
But amazingly, as of April 23, 2000, STILL nobody has caught onto the fact that it was an April Fool's joke! Just goes to show you how sneaky and underhanded we all were to pull the wool over your eyes so completely . . .