|
Home |
Past columns |
Illuminator by E-mail |
XML |
Illuminated Site of the Week
So . . . I made it to a preview of Serenity Wednesday night.
Wow. Great story, great acting, fantastic CGI starships . . . and it works just fine if you didn't see the TV series. Whedon did an excellent job of compressing the backstory into a few minutes.
If you like science fiction cinema . . . you want to see this film. Really.
If it goes well, there will be a sequel or two. And I'm already anticipating the next Serenity movie more than I've hoped for any sequel since The Empire Strikes Back.
Is that definite enough for you? Go see it.
-- Steve Jackson
More than just a battle cry, it's a statement of the best thing we've come up with to keep track of your levels in Munchkin: a die! The Munchkin Dice are shiny, rather big, and precisely 10 sides short of being a 20-sided die. They also come with 14 new cards to use and abuse and use to abuse.
(Illuminated News Service) After months of heated debate and repeated last-minute deadline changes, Iraq's elected representatives have reached agreement
on their new Constitution.
It will be 10.
Next up for discussion is Dexterity. Observers anticipate that consensus will be reached on 12 or possibly 13. The current deadline for decision is in March 2006.
Warehouse 23 News: In The Beginning. . .
. . . there was Man. Man was, however, not too bright. So the gods gave Man the Tree of Knowledge. Infused with knowledge, Man's ego swelled. The gods quickly disposed of the Tree, as they had enough inflated egos in the heavens as it was. Part of the tree yet remained, however, and as it is central to the plot of Nodwick #28 you can be sure that hilarity will ensue. Hilarity and a large amount of personal injury.
Now that my unseemly hooting has given way to occasional giggles, I can point you to the latest Penny Arcade, which presents a unique take on those catalogs you find in the seat pocket on airlines. Do you have any idea how many Evil Points someone could garner by printing that page out, trimming appropriately, and slipping it into the real catalog? I'm just saying.
Important note: If you have never heard of Penny Arcade, then (a) Where have you been living? In an abandoned subway station, eating rats or something? And (b) So very not work-safe, if mainly, in this case, because of the unseemly hooting to which you, too, will succumb.
-- Steve Jackson
Warehouse 23 News: Fame, Glory, And The All-Mighty Dollar
Patriotism is all well and good, but at the end of the day, a flag is just a piece of cloth and money is the true master. A mercenary needs a steady flow of contracts and equipment, however, to keep himself in business. That's where Rifts: Merc Ops comes in. From contracts to armaments, no merc should be without it. No merc that wants to keep eating, anyway.
When I was in retail, the best part was always pulling a new book out of the box and seeing it for the very first time. Now I'm in publishing, admiring one of the first copies of GURPS Banestorm, knowing that I've become a part of making neat books like this one. The feeling is even better than retail.
Banestorm shipped to distributors on Monday, and should reach stores in about 10 days. That's not as good as we hoped -- we wanted to ship and hit stores in September -- but it's better than we feared. It's another step forward on a long road back.
-- Chris Aylott
Warehouse 23 News: Small Town, Big Adventure
Small towns may be all smiles on the outside, but what lurks . . . beneath? Even a hamlet can hold a metropolis worth of secrets and shame. The town presented in Crime Scene: Sheriff's Office - Red Pine Hollow is certainly no exception. Enjoy the local coffee and pie, but make sure you bring some scuba gear, because the still waters here run very, very deep.
Whether you want to emulate FPS games in real life, or just admire new and creative ways to torment little brothers, this work of mad genius will brighten your day. At least, it will if you're the kind of person who reads the Illuminator. And you are, aren't you?
Warehouse 23 News: Live And Let- Aw, Forget It
Let's face it, if everyone got along, roleplayers wouldn't have much to do. One can only play a level 13 farmer so long, after all. Dark Clouds of War gives Cursed Empire players just one more thing to worry about in the war between the Empire and Karnarcos. Sure it'll complicate their lives, but in the long run, your players will thank you. We think.
From around here, sighs of relief. Rita is now well past us and going in the other direction. The current forecast is for Rita not to stall anywhere at all, so there should no big inland flooding. Of course, a foot of rain at once, which is what some places are getting just as the remnants of Rita go over, is never a good thing, so there is SOME flooding. But it could be WAY worse. Furthermore, the areas it's passing over include some of the worst drought spots in the southern half of the country; they need rain, and many of the rivers are so far down that a mere foot of rain won't fill them up.
So I'll quit talking about the weather. Thanks to everyone who sent good wishes.
And Saturday morning I finished the first draft of all the Illuminati expansion cards. They have an appropriate mix of alignments, but they still have the Power, Income, and Resistance that I intuitively gave them at creation . . . the next step is to compare them with the distribution in the original game and the Illuminati Y2K expansion and make sure that I haven't done violence to the game balance. Still on schedule for an unveiling at Linucon this weekend.
-- Steve Jackson
If life begins at thirty, does that mean that The Rifter #30 is the very first issue of Palladium's magazine of all things Megaverse? Probably not, yet that doesn't stop people from saying "life begins at 30." People are strange. As long as they keep buying copies of The Rifter, however, we tend not to care too much.
Rita still looks like a very dangerous storm, but more and more it looks like one that will bypass most of Texas, and (from my selfish point of view, fortunately) will miss Austin and Houston. My sympathies go out to everyone who left Houston for what, in retrospect, looks like a false alarm - especially Agent Grf, who spent 19 hours on the road to Dallas - but running from a Category 5 is really a Good Idea. Don't think of it as a false alarm. Think of it as practice for next year. Our last few decades have been atypically storm-free; for the rest of our lives, the Gulf Coast will be windier.
But the farther east it goes from Texas, the closer it gets to battered Louisiana. Right now New Orleans is dealing with storm surge from the ocean. In a few days, it can expect a lot of rainwater coming down the Mississippi. The question is: can the United States, the State of Louisiana, and Orleans Parish honestly claim jurisdiction over the area behind the levees, or does it properly belong to the Gulf of Mexico? Set aside the political posturing from various officials: how much are we willing to spend to re-set that below-sea-level deathtrap to kill more thousands in the next hurricane, instead of building New New Orleans on higher ground? (I mean, if you REALLY want to kill off poor folks, there are cheaper ways . . .)
-- Steve Jackson
Saying "I'll run a Talislanta game!" is all well and good, but this hectic, bumper-to-bumper world we live in rarely affords us all the spare time we'd like. Not that your players care. They're here to game, and a silly thing like the number of hours in the day is of no concern to them! Having foreseen this eventuality, The Weight of Water (an adventure for Talislanta 4th Edition and its d20 counterpart) was written.
It looks like the worst, and even the second-worst, will miss us completely. Unless the hurricane decides to ignore the forecasters, and they DO that, rather often. So cross your fingers for us.
I'm still on personal alert because my house is considerably more vulnerable than most of Austin. I live in a neighborhood that never should have been built . . . we're in the 25-year floodplain of Onion Creek, and Onion Creek would be considered a river in many places. Supposedly we'll be condemned and bought out in a few years. Right now, if too much rainfall drops in the wrong place over a short period of time, we get inches - or feet - of water across our floors. So the predictions that Rita's going to stall out "someplace unpredictable" and drop a couple of feet of rainfall . . . these are unsettling.
So, of course, I've been rereading my two favorite Big Storm books. Bruce Sterling's Heavy Weather is really about a monster tornado rather than a hurricane, but it's close enough for jazz. John Barnes' Mother of Storms is about hurricanes . . . big hurricanes . . . lots of hurricanes . . . and the havoc that just a bit of global warming could create. Very good book. (Warning: As he often does, Barnes describes some very twisted people doing very bad things. If you are upset by graphic descriptions of either murderous sadism or weather-related megadeaths, SKIP this book.)
-- Steve Jackson
Oh, let's call the whole thing off. Title confusion aside, Cursed Empire: Crimson Empire takes the standard fantasy trappings, dips them in black paint, and does it all without the use of a 20-sided die. If you like your fantasy with a little more grit than usual, give Cursed Empire a look.
Austin is far enough from the coast that we won't get the worst of Rita, but we're well within the current projected path. We're expecting rain Friday, and thunderstorms and some very strong wind Saturday. But we also expect to be back to business as usual on Monday, barring random inconveniences such as tornadoes . . .
-- Steve Jackson
Warehouse 23 News: Barbaric Adventure
What's the only thing more dangerous than a barbarian? A bored barbarian. Hulky, dumb, and well-armed are not a good combination for someone with a lot of time on their hands. So we recommend you keep those barbarian players of your busy with the adventures found in Conan: Tales of the Black Kingdoms.
No, not our project. The Soviets - remember them - were testing big GEVs on the Caspian Sea, for real. They called them "ekranoplans." Read the Wikipedia article.
The logistics of moving, which tend themselves to move around from day to day, dictated that Sunday and Monday were very largely given over to my taking several hundred cubic feet of my own gorp which had been in a storage container on the office lot, and shifting it elsewhere.
Ouch. Ouch, ouch, ouch. Feet, legs, back ouch.
So it goes.
The Illuminati expansion remains on schedule, though. Its first public outing will be at Linucon here in Austin at the end of this month. Come play, if you're so inclined.
-- Steve Jackson
Warehouse 23 News: Cute, Fuzzy, And More Than A Little Drunk
Squirrels aren't known for their swearing, heavy drinking, and womanizing. Plush Conker is hardly a typical squirrel. But hey, when you stop and consider that we sell plush ancient evil gods dressed in ridiculous outfits, one foul-mouthed squirrel doesn't seem so out of place.
This isn't the official announcement. Official announcements have things like release dates. And the name of the product.
But I've spent the last couple of weeks working on a new expansion for Illuminati. The Bloggers get into this one. And Invasive Species. And, of course, Homeland Security and its little friends FEMA and TSA.
And yes, Talk Like A Pirate Day, with the blessing of Cap'n Slappy and Ol' Chumbucket themselves, is in this set. The TLAPD card is, of course, a bane on Straight groups!
More on this as it develops . . .
-- Steve Jackson
Question: What do you do when the end of the world is upon you? Why, you start a big fight over who gets control of what's left, of course! After all, what have you got to lose? Hidden Conflict gives you an excellent outlet for all that apocalyptic angst that's been building up since Y2K.
Yes, it's that time again . . . Tomorrow, September 19, is Talk Like A Pirate Day. So talk like a pirate. A lot. Buccaneer dress-up is optional, but an earring and head-scarf are always in both high fashion and good taste . . . and remember, if the Pastafarians are right, it's the only thing that can reverse global warming.
In other news, Talk Like A Pirate Day is making it into one of our games. Arrrrr. Details tomorrow.
-- Steve Jackson
And for a moment there it almost looked playable. Alas, it is merely meant to be read and cackled at. Not that there's anything keeping you from breaking out the color printer and giving it a try . . . This evil, evil parody spares no one. And there was much snickering.
-- Steve Jackson
Warehouse 23 News: Fun, Yes, But Also Practical
The great thing about Counter Strike Wargame: Freikorps is that it is not only a quality wargame that you and your friends can enjoy, but that it comes in a sturdy tin that you can wield to deter cheating during the game. Convenient, no?
September 16, 2005: Illuminated Site of the Week: You Must Have Paid For Another Five Minutes
There's nothing like well-reasoned debate, and this is nothing like well-reasoned debate. Hard to argue with them, though. They make good points on both sides. -- Suggested by Richard H Chapman
Warehouse 23 News: She's Only Mostly Dead
The tomb is lost, but someone knows where it is. The sphinx queen is dead, but really alive. Khubsheth the Prophet needs your help, but tries to kill you. Good thing you're level 14, because you're gonna need all the feats you can get for Dungeon Crawl Classics #15: Lost Tomb of the Sphinx Queen.
Designed for parents trying to figure out what to call their offspring, the NameVoyager is a lot of fun as a random research tool . . . you can see what names have been most popular when. If you insist on a gaming use, it's got one: select the period of your campaign and use this neat little Java applet to pick NPC names with maximum authenticity. Even "Oswald" had its day in the sun, though it's currently fallen off the charts.
Earth, wind, fire, water, void.
The Legend of the Five Rings.
Samurai are cool.
Sean Punch is in town for a few days. The GURPS line will be discussed in detail, and plans made for the next few years. And sushi will be eaten.
-- Steve Jackson
And you should look at it anyway. You will need to have Quicktime installed and not to be drinking anything unless your keyboard is proof against liquids.
Warehouse 23 News: Two (Halves) For The Price Of One
To Stand on Hallowed Ground. Read it one way, it's Swords Against Deception, an adventure into the heart of a mysterious new cult. Read it the other way, and it's The Ghost Machine, a midnight battle against an assembly line of undead. Read it upside-down and you'll just get a headache.
These can regrow missing limbs and even damaged hearts. See the Times Online for details. As far as we know, though, you can't cut one in half and get two. Yet.
Warehouse 23 News: You Have The Right To Remain Dead
If you choose to give up this right, anything you do can and will provoke a Psi-Judge to shoot your sorry undead butt. You have the right to decompose. If you are unable to decompose, a Psi-Judge will be appointed to banish you to the dark abyss from which you spawned. You and any of your spooky friends from Judge Dredd: The Awakening.
Chris Aylott is here, and settling into the Managing Editor slot. And Scott Haring is back at work; his leg is finally healing the way it's supposed to. I myself am getting more "work at home" time, and pretty soon I'll have to tell you all what I've been up to . . .
-- Steve Jackson
Warehouse 23 News: Finally, Affordable Lycanthropy
If you're looking for a way to spruce up your home decor while simultaneously expressing how cool you think werewolves are, then the GURPS Shapeshifters Cover Poster is just what you need. If you're looking for a way to patch holes in your hot-water heater, try aisle 4.
INWO or Illuminati. One or the other. Here's somebody who has been living the dream . . . The Yakuza used microwaves to create a hurricane and destroy New Orleans . . .
Warehouse 23 News: It's A Bird! It's A Lion!
No, it's a griffin! Specifically, it's the Here Be Monsters: Plush Griffin. Griffins of myth enjoyed snacking on hapless adventurers and guarding stuff. This griffin usually just sits around, waiting to be hugged. Or so it seems. Perhaps it is just waiting for its chance . . .
September 9, 2005: Illuminated Site of the Week: Answers To Burning Questions
It's harder to hit a moving target, so all human knowledge has taken refuge on the Internet. Just try and burn the Library at Halexandria. They're good at weird HTML characters, so you know they possess deep wisdom. Be warned, it's got poetry, and we're not vouching for that. -- Suggested by Christopher Thrash
Warehouse 23 News: Troubleshooters: They Shoot Trouble
The Computer understands that your feeble mind has trouble grasping simple concepts like where in the room you are standing. That's why The Computer is giving you this opportunity to buy the Paranoia XP: Alpha Complex Troubleshooter Team miniatures set. The Computer loves you. Return that love by buying the minis. Or be executed as a traitor. Your choice.
From Ken Walton, one of the authors of GURPS Celtic Myth, we hear:
Just a little bizarre news that I thought you might appreciate. I've never studied history formally, and have no qualifications in it, but I've just been accepted at Lancaster University to do a history degree, on the basis of the work I did on GURPS Celtic Myth!
Warehouse 23 News: All Geared Up And Nowhere To Fight
You've got your BattleMech lance tricked out with PPCs and LRMs and MASC and C3 and so on. The pilots are ready to go, the Dropships are loaded, the troops are waiting. Now, if only you had a place to send all this stuff to so that havoc might be wreaked. . . Oh look! It's the Classic BattleTech: Map Set Compilation 2! How convenient!
Prettier, and faster loading too. Check it out. Is nice, yes?
-- Steve Jackson
The world is ending. You already knew that, of course, but such news bears repeating from time to time. What you might not know is just how soon it is ending. Or the manner in which it is ending. Such things are unspeakable at best, so you'll just have to read them. Seek Call of Cthulhu: Spawn of Azathoth. It holds answers. And unfathomable dread.
GURPS Banestorm will be in stores later this month, so we thought you'd like a sneak peek of some of the new and updated material you'll find inside.
Something dark lurks in the Blackwoods of Yrth. Find out what it is, and see the map of West Megalos menaced by this new danger, with this PDF from GURPS Banestorm. (That link will take you to the page for the book. Look in the sidebar for various excerpt links.)
When one goes to the trouble of building a city, one often fails to take into account the fact that someday someone else is going to want to build a new city on top of their city. This has a nasty tendency to cause dark, evil, and mutated subcultures to form in these "undercities." It also causes game publishers to write books like Judge Dredd: The Rookie's Guide to The Undercity.
In the weeks and months to come, charitable organizations may need clothes and other supplies. Right now, what they need most is cash. (Exception: If you live in a city that has taken in refugees, you may be able to make a valuable local donation of clothing and other necessaries.)
There are a lot of enthusiastic instant-volunteer groups now, holding auctions, soliciting money, and so on. Most of them are on the up-and-up. Some of them are even capable of delivering on their promises. (I've experienced the downside of this. After 9-11, a number of game companies and professionals were solicited by a well-meaning individual asking for donations to be auctioned in support of the victims. He made a good pitch and got a lot of responses. Without going into detail . . . he truly meant well, but the effort eventually dragged to a halt in recriminations and embarrassment. I think eventually some money made it to one of the NYC funds.)
I am NOT telling you to ignore these solicitations - but look at them with open eyes. And if they still look good, by all means, donate.
However: If you want to get your money to the Red Cross, the absolutely quickest and surest way is to donate directly.
Wherever you live, you can donate; just do it wisely. As I said: a direct donation is safest. However, there are reputable organizations that will let you leverage your donation. Case in point: I was at a Whole Foods store a few days ago. They're collecting for the Red Cross (and I think they can be trusted . . .). And they're matching the first $1,000,000 of donations made through their stores. You can bet that that was where I donated.
Late breaking news: I have just been told that Texas Land & Cattle, a steakhouse chain, is donating all its income for today (Labor Day) - NOT just "profits" - to the Red Cross. If you live near a TxL&C, think about going out to eat tonight. And go again next week to thank them for it. I'm a regular TXL&C patron, and I promise you, the food is good! Other chains under the same ownership are doing the same thing.
You Can Help From Home
One of the users on our MOO commented yesterday that he'd already given everything from his last paycheck that he didn't need for food or rent . . . and that he'd give his time as well, but he didn't have the right skills. Here's something that ANYBODY - well, anybody who can read this message - can do to help.
Many friends and family members have been separated and left with no clear way to find each other. Hundreds of web sites are gathering thousands of entries about missing persons . . . and people who want to let others know they’re okay. The problem is: there are dozens of such sites, with no particular form or structure. So it's almost impossible for people to search or match things up.
The Katrina PeopleFinder Project needs your help . . . as little as an hour of your time. All you need to do is read unstructured posts about missing or found persons, and then enter the relevant data through a simple online form.
-- Steve Jackson
New for the Hall of Shame
And they just keep coming . . .
- Homeland Security Secretary Michael Chertoff was quoted on CNN Saturday as calling the disaster - a predictable scenario, which many had feared for years! - "breathtaking in its surprise." And here's a whole NPR interview in which he displays the breadth of his failure to grasp the situation. (This fellow, by the way, is the Cabinet member with jurisdiction over FEMA.)
- "I don't think anybody anticipated the breach of the levees . . ." -
President George W. Bush, during an interview with Diane Sawyer, on ABC's Good Morning America, Thursday, September 1, 2005. (Breach or simple swamping of the levees was a great concern less than a year ago when Ivan looked to be aimed at New Orleans. Compare this late 2004 analysis with today's news reports.)
- What's YOUR favorite term to replace "refugees?" I don't want to be INSENSITIVE to the tender feelings of politicians who want camera time. How about "meteorologically displaced individuals"? Or, perhaps, "Katrino-Americans," to mollify those who think that "refugee" implies (gasp, shudder) "foreigner"?
Or how about "They're refugees, and we're going to help them, as we always help refugees, no matter where they're from." Feh.
Warehouse 23 News: You Will Follow These Rules!
A ninja is defined by his rules. Thus is Ninja Burger defined by its employee guidelines. Ninja are known for their incredible combat prowess, however, not their long-term memories. The Employee Guidelines Poster is an efficient and convenient way to remind yourself that you should, under no circumstances, kill a paying customer.
We've got a hot competition going for the STUPIDEST comment made by a public official as the New Orleans disaster drags on.
In the "Highly Paid Appointee" category, the unquestioned winner so far is FEMA chairman Michael Brown, who seems to be communicating from another planet . . . one where they don't have cable. As reported on CNN, his recent comments on the tragedy have included:
- (Asked about uncollected corpses:) "That's not been reported to me, so I'm not going to comment. Until I actually get a report from my teams that say, "We have bodies located here or there," I'm just not going to speculate."
- (Asked about civil unrest:) "I've had no reports of unrest . . . no reports of that."
- (Asked about effectiveness of the federal response:) "Considering the dire circumstances . . . things are going relatively well."
Can I suggest that an effective federal response at the very top level would be to fire this guy? The people in the Superdome can't eat spin control.
In the "These People Got Elected" category, though, we have a dead-heat tie between Rep. Diane Watson (D-CA) and Rep. Elijah Cummings (D-MD). Their contribution to disaster relief: Make sure we use the politically correct word to describe the victims!
From the Yahoo story:
- Watson: "'Refugee' calls up to mind people that come from different lands and have to be taken care of. These are American citizens."
- Cummings: "They are not refugees. I hate that word."
Postscript: CNN, always mindful of which way the wind blows, is now using the word "evacuees" a lot.
-- Steve Jackson
Warehouse 23 News: Bored. Bored. Bored.
Four million citizens, a nearly 100% unemployment rate, and not much to do. Mega-City One isn't exactly the hippest town on the planet, and with everyone out of work, the populace is more than a little listless. Judge Dredd: The Rookie's Guide to Crazes takes a look at all the ways the populace passes the time. Things like eating or being very, very ugly. Weeeee.
September 3, 2005: Illuminated Site of the Week: In One Continent And Out The Other
Why do people keep watching the skies, looking for big rocks that might slam into us, acting like it's something special? It happens all the time. Oh, but hey, don't get us wrong . . . you should still be reduced to a state of mindless panic by the news. -- Suggested by Thomas Weigel
Warehouse 23 News: Variety Is The Dice Of Life
If you want a job done right, you need the right tool. Gaming is no different. In this case, what you need are dice. New dice. Shiny, swirly dice. Like the Chessex Vortex dice. Even if you don't buy them for rolling, you can still use them to make your enemies jealous. Or your friends. Whatever. Just buy the dice.
"I'm the company's crisis manager, and with a company like Directnic.com, my services are rarely needed . . ."
But right now, they're needed very much indeed. Read this frequently updated and no-punches-pulled blog from a man who is helping to keep the net up in New Orleans . . . and watching from the tenth floor of a high-rise as the city falls apart around him and the mobs and looters take over. You'll learn more here than from CNN.
-- Steve Jackson
Warehouse 23 News: The Big Book Of Scary Thingies
Strong enough for any d20 campaign, but made for Iron Kingdoms, the Monsternomicon has been updated for 3.5. If the vile creatures you find between the covers of this book don't frighten your players, you can always bring some fright to the table by wielding this 240-page hardcover against them.
It's Wednesday evening as I write this. I landed Tuesday at about 7. My bags just now caught up with me. American Airlines mislaid them for a few hours, and then their Austin delivery service futzed around for almost a full day. Not only did they ignore the written instruction to leave the bags on the porch, but they phoned twice and left "please call us" messages with no callback number. THANK you, American Airlines, for hiring such sharp help!
Other than THAT . . .
I'm back. I'm alive. I haven't set foot in the office yet, but I'm at least caught up with e-mail. The lawn did not die while I was gone, and as far as I know, neither did any of the staff. Now we return to this week's episode of "Buy A New Building," already in progress.
-- Steve Jackson
Warehouse 23 News: Warehouse 23 Top Ten
Check out Warehouse 23's top selling items for August at the Warehouse 23 Top 10 page.
|
|
